INTERVIEW WITH PAUL THE OCTOPUS

During a recent visit to Europe, we thought it might be a fine diversion to check out a German aquarium Over in the corner, there was a splash and a hubbub, and when we went round to investigate, it was none other than Paul the Octopus, who was the centre of attention . The mollusc rose to world fame when he correctly predicted the outcome of every major game in the recent soccer world cup in South Africa. After a bit of negotiation, we bought a round of plankton milkshakes and we finally met face to face as the superstar slithered onto a stool opposite us:

Q: Paul, thank you very much for your time. How did you get into the prediction thing?
A: Thank you. It started with basic thing really, like predicting the tides and predicting that would be a bad idea to be hanging around underneath a whale that had just eaten a ton of shrimp, and it went on from there.

Q: How did it come about that you started focusing on the football world cup?
A: It just sort of happened. I started predicting the outcome of local football matches. It was a bit tentative at first, but as I got into it, I completely embraced the concept.

Q: You had a 100% record and after that you decided to retire. Why did you choose to remain in Germany rather than go to Spain, whose victory you predicted?
A: I quite like it here and they have always treated me well. Some Spanish people came along and offered me a lot of shells to move there, but I wasn't convinced that it would be a good idea. The guy said that he called me a "fine fella", but I'm sure that I heard "paella" so I was having none of that. I mean, do they think I'm a sucker or something? I had quite a bit of criticism because of that decision, and some newspapers even referred to me as "Octopussy", suggesting that I was spineless. I quite resembled that remark.

Q: How did the other sea creatures respond to your successes?
A: Many were very happy for me and proud of me, and the whole week after the final I had to High 8 everyone. Of course you get those who are jealous and said that it wa beginners luck, but I don't care about that. It's like a duck's water off my back.

Q: Speaking about the sea creatures, who do you like and who are not your favourites?
A: Oh I have many friends. Jeff the Penguin down South is a flippen nice guy for instance. He's getting quite famous too, and he is being well marketed. You know the saying, behind every successful man is an amazed woman. Pete the Polar Bear is also a very cool guy. I'd love to introduce him and Jeff to each other, but they are poles apart. I don't care much for the sharks really, they've got such a Jaws syndrome, and that is so 1970's. One of them had a snap at me the other day, and I got such a fright, I nearly inked myself. Most of the animals are quite nice, but the crustaceans can sometimes be very shellfish. I also got stung last week by one of those sea plants that was supposed to be a fan. I mean with fronds like these, who needs anemones? On the freshwater side, I talk to Huberta a lot, although she can be quite hippocritical at times. Even in my won species there are sometimes nasty characters. Ollie used to bully me a lot at school, but that all stopped when I gave him a good swift kick in the tentacles.

Q: Now that you have fame and fortune, did you remain faithful to your old friends?
A: Yes for sure. I have hooked up my friends who have stood by me during dark times. I firmly believe in squid pro quo.

Q: What do you do for relaxation now?
A: You know I love the ocean. I absolutely adore going to the Mediterranean in summer. The girls all have bikinis on and their dresses are short - sort of at "see" level *snigger*.

Q: Do you participate in any sports yourself?
A: I used to be quite good at the 60 meter splash and dash. It used to take me forever to get my running shoes on, but once that was done, I was like a blur in the water.

Q: ANy other activities?
A: I've taken to drumming in a big way. Everyone is going gaga about this "Mad Drummer" Steve Moore, but he can't hold a candle to me. Or let me put it this way, for every candle he can hold, I can hold four. We started a little band, called Jockstrap and the Elastic Band. My girlfriend Callie-Marie plays the keyboards, trumpet, harp and violin, all at once.

Q: Have octopuses gotten more recognition because of your fame?
A: I think so. Look we had a bad rap before in ancient times, with all this hogwash that we took down ships and all of that. I spoke to my mate Denny the Dragon, and he agrees the history writers were not fair to us at all, as is the case with them.

Q: Thanks, Paul, here's to a pleasant retirement.
A: Thank you too. High 8 to all my friends and fans. Hey. I've got a joke:
A man writes a letter -
Dear sir, I'm starting up a zoo, please send me two octopuses xxx
No, that's wrong, he thinks, so he writes -
Dear sir, I am starting up a zoo, please send me two octopi xx
No, that's also wrong he thinks, so he writes -
Dear sir, I am starting up a zoo. Please send me an octopus.
P.S. Send me another one too.

With that final word, Paul spotted a movement in the water and slithered out of view. We were left with a sticky, lingering memory of a pleasant interview. It felt great to have interviewed one of the world's superstars who, despite his fame and fortune, stuck firmly to his roots.

Interviewer - Tinus Nel